LESSONS FOR MY FELLOW TRAVELERS

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
— Marcel Proust

I recently returned home from a wonderful trip, and I have been reflecting on what it is that I love so much about traveling—and how I might bring some of that joy, wonder, and aliveness that I experience when traveling into everyday life.

The truth is, we are all travelers. We are all moving through life and around this beautiful planet each day. Here are some lessons from my travels and thoughts on how to make each day an adventure.

Lessons From a Fellow Traveler

When I travel, I feel the anticipation and excitement of something new. What will I see today? What will I learn? What unexpected adventure awaits? There is something so enlivening about stepping into the unknown, seeing things for the first time, and allowing myself to be surprised by what the day will bring.

And yet, I realize that I do not have to be on vacation to live this way. Each day offers something new to notice, learn, and experience. I just have to adopt that mindset each day rather than move about my day as if nothing is new.

When I travel, I pay close attention. I notice the landscape, the architecture, the food, the culture, the rhythm of a place. I become more open, more curious, more interested in what is right in front of me. Travel reminds me that I can bring this same quality of presence into my life at home by slowing down and meeting ordinary life with a childlike sense of curiosity and interest.

When I travel, I also love the quality time I spend with the people I am lucky enough to be with. Travel pulls us out of our routines. We step away from our schedules and our distractions. We put down our phones. We walk together, eat together, wonder together. We have time for deeper conversations and more genuine connection.

But this, too, is a choice available to us every day. We can choose to slow down. We can choose to be fully present with the people we love. We can choose to put down our phones. We can choose to make time for deep connection.

Another gift of travel is that it pulls us out of the familiar loops of daily life—our routines, our “to-do” lists, our worries, our habitual ways of thinking. It offers a different perspective. It reminds us that there is a much bigger world beyond the small circle of our concerns.

While this may come more easily when we are away, it is still possible at home. We can step out of the repetitive loops of the mind, our routines, and habits, and into a larger experience of life. We can make small changes like trying a new route, tasting something unfamiliar, meeting someone new, or simply allowing ourselves to be where we are more fully instead of rushing to the next thing.

Travel also makes me especially aware that time is finite. When I am away, I know exactly how many days I have left in my trip, and so I am more intentional. I savor things more. I slow down to enjoy them. I take better care of myself. I fill my days with things that matter to me. I know how precious time is.

Of course, this is also true of life itself. We do not always live with that awareness, but remembering the finitude of our time here can help us live more fully and more intentionally. It can remind us to take good care of ourselves, to spend time with the people we love, and to orient our lives around what matters most.

When I travel, I also love to observe people—walking, commuting, eating, laughing, singing, celebrating, and simply living. It reminds me of our shared humanity. It reminds me to live joyfullytoo each day, just as I do on vacation.

And finally, when I travel, I feel deeply connected to the planet itself. To stand before the ocean, the mountains, a wide-open sky, or a landscape utterly unlike my own is to remember how astonishing this Earth is. Travel reminds me that this planet is not just the backdrop of my life. It is living, vast, mysterious, and sacred. I am a small part of it. And this evokes awe, connection, and ease.

The beautiful thing is that this connection is available at home, too. We can watch the flowers blooming outside our window, notice the leaves returning to the trees, gaze up at the sky, and remember that we are part of something extraordinary.

Traveling Through Life Each Day

And now I am home—back to routines, responsibilities, and the familiar ways of moving through my days. It is easy to forget these lessons. Easy to get pulled back into plans, worries, stress, roles, and the self-created identities. This is where mindfulness comes in.

Yesterday, I was in NYC and I decided to bring this traveler mindset to my day. Instead of hurrying around the city to my next appointment, I became a tourist, like so many tourists currently in New York. I wanted to see the city like them – just as I did when I was traveling. I practiced “beginners mind” as I walked down 5th Avenue among a crowd of visitors. Instead of looking down, moving quickly and being annoyed by the slow walkers craning their necks to take it all in, I looked up and around, I slowed down, and I appreciated where I was and what I was seeing – the cherry blossoms, incredible architecture, and interesting people all around me. It was beautiful. I was in awe of this city. I could see it with fresh eyes and a new appreciation for being there.

In this way, mindfulness helps us slow down and brings us out of the trance of self-preoccupation and back into direct relationship with life. Into the body. Into the breath. Into the sounds around us. Into the presence of other people. Into the beauty of the earth. Into the moment, which is always so much bigger than our thoughts about it.

Mindfulness helps us notice what is already true: that we are connected, that we belong, that we are participants in something much larger than ourselves, that life is full and beautiful!

This may be one of the reasons travel can feel so nourishing—even transformative. At its best, travel interrupts our habits of mind. It invites wonder. It expands perspective. It humbles us. It wakes us up. It reminds us that there is so much more here than the small world we so often live inside.

It reminds us that we are not separate. We are part of an ancient and ongoing human story. We are part of this beautiful, living planet. We belong to something vast and shared. And when we remember that our hearts soften. We become more curious, more humble, more grateful, more compassionate. We wake up to the miracle of being here.

For me, this is one of the deepest gifts of both travel and mindfulness practice. I remember that I am always a traveler. A visitor. A student of life. A small but meaningful part of a much larger whole. And when I remember that I can meet each day with more wonder, more awe, more presence, and more ease as I make my way through this journey of life.

I wish you all a safe, exciting, joyful, and meaningful journey today, and every day!

On we go!

Cheryl

Making Friends With Your Mind

“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.”
– Joseph Goldstein

The most common complaint I hear people say about why they can’t meditate is, “My mind is too busy. I can’t quiet it.” However, anyone who spends a few moments watching their mind will likely notice something quickly: it’s busy. Planning. Replaying. Judging. Worrying. Remembering. There is a constant stream of thoughts—sometimes helpful, often repetitive, and frequently stressful, or even overwhelming. This is not wrong – it’s normal. In fact, people with busy minds are some of the best candidates for meditation! One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is to make friends with our own minds.People mistakenly think that mindfulness stops us from thinking or that when we meditate, the mind is quiet. But the truth is, we are not stopping the mind from thinking; we are learning to befriend the mind and create a different relationship with all those thoughts. We are learning to see our thoughts, without getting caught up in them.

The Mind Is Not the Enemy

In mindfulness practice, we begin with a simple but powerful shift: the mind is not something to fight against. Your thoughts are not a personal failure. Your busy mind is not a flaw. Thinking is simply what the mind does.

From an evolutionary perspective, the mind is designed to scan for danger, anticipate the future, and make meaning of the past. It’s trying—often tirelessly—to protect you.

But the same mind that helps us survive can also create unnecessary suffering when we get caught in loops of worry, self-criticism, or rumination – or when the mind returns us to the past or hurls us into the future.  When we treat the mind as an enemy, we add another layer of struggle.

A Different Approach: Turning Toward the Mind

Making friends with the mind begins with a shift in your relationship with your mind. Meditation teacher Sylvia Boorstein, author of It’s Easier Than You Think, describes herself as a “fretter.”  When the phone rings late at night, her first thought is, “Oh no!  Something has gone terribly wrong!” She says this is what her mind does – it worries. She knows this about her mind. So, when her mind reacts; she recognizes this pattern, takes a deep breath, and answers the phone to see what is actually happening. This is how she has made friends with her mind and does not allow it to take over.

Instead of: “Why won’t my mind stop?”  “I shouldn’t be thinking this.” Or, “Something is wrong with me.”  We begin to ask: “Can I meet this thought with curiosity instead of judgment?” “Do I have to believe this?”  Or, “What happens if I allow this thought to simply come and go without believing its contents?”

We learn that we don’t have to believe every thought. Instead, we can see thoughts clearly—without getting swept away or overwhelmed by them. This takes practice but can be life changing because without this skill, we let our minds take over our nervous system and we live with constant fear, worry, and anxiety which deeply impacts our wellbeing, health and happiness.

The Practice of Befriending the Mind

1. Notice and Label Thoughts

When a thought arises, simply name it: planning, worrying, remembering. This creates space between you and the thought, without having to wrestle with it or dive into it.

2. Be Kind To Your Mind
Instead of tightening or resisting thoughts, try offering a quiet acknowledgment and relaxing around it: “Ah, my mind is busy right now. That’s interesting.”  And then let those thoughts come and go, like clouds in the sky, simply floating by.

3. Get Curious
When thoughts arise, take a look at them with curiosity.  Ask, “Is this thought helpful? Is it true? Is it necessary in this moment? Is it kind? Is this thought contributing to my suffering or my peace?  How would I feel if I didn’t believe it?”

Not to judge—but to understand that often thoughts are not helpful, not true, and we don’t have to believe them.

4. Return to the Body
The body is always in the present moment. Use it as a wonderful anchor to pull your attention and energy away from unhelpful thoughts. Feel your breath. Notice the sensations of your feet on the ground. Listen to the sounds around you. Look at your surroundings to orient into the present moment. This gently anchors you when your mind drifts and tries to pull you away from the present moment and away from what is happening right now.

5. Offer Compassion
If your mind is loud, anxious, or self-critical, try meeting it the way you would a dear friend – with patience, kindness, and care.  It is trying to help, but not always doing that skillfully.

6. You Are Not Your Thoughts!
One of the most liberating insights in mindfulness is this: You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness that can observe thoughts. When you begin to see thoughts as passing mental events—rather than truths or commands—they lose their grip over you. And in that space, you find calm, clarity, and choice.

The next time your mind feels busy or overwhelming, pause and remember that nothing has gone wrong. This is simply the mind doing what it does. And in that moment, you have an opportunity—not to fight it, but to meet it differently. When you stop fighting the mind, you create the conditions for it to settle. You find more peace, ease and choice in how you want to meet this moment!

by Cheryl Brause

The True Gift of Meditation - Conscious Living

“Don’t meditate to fix yourself, to heal yourself, to improve yourself, to redeem yourself; rather, do it as an act of love, of deep warm friendship to yourself. In this way, there is no longer any need for the subtle aggression of self-improvement, for the endless guilt of not doing enough. It offers the possibility of an end to the ceaseless round of trying so hard that wraps so many people’s lives in a knot. Instead, there is now meditation as an act of love. How endlessly delightful and encouraging.”

– Bob Sharples, from Meditation: Calming the Mind

What is this practice doing for me?

After starting a meditation practice or practicing for a while, we often wonder, “Is this working?” Or, “What is this doing for me?” First, we do not practice meditation to simply get better at meditating. Although meditation can provide a wonderful refuge from the busyness of our lives and a wonderful means to reduce stress, the deeper gifts of meditation are really in helping us get better at living our lives fully and authentically.

Meditation is what we do on our cushion. Mindful, conscious or awakened living is what we are learning to do in our lives. The changes you experience from your meditation practice may seem quite small at first, but they can result in quite profound transformations in your life. As you deepen your meditation practice, you begin to notice small changes in how you respond to the world around you. Perhaps you notice that you don’t react at all in a situation where you would have previously responded in anger. Or, you find yourself speaking out because you know something needs to be said when in the past you would have decided not to voice your opinion. You find you have a deeper understanding of what really matters to you and a clearer sense of what is important, and you see more clearly what is not worth spending mental of emotional energy on. You have less drama in your life.  You find more moments in each day to embrace the world around you. You find ways and opportunities to connect to people in a true and authentic way, You are less judgmental. All of these changes come in small moments, but their effects on how you live can be profound.

Knowing What’s Working and What’s Not Working

Instead of being stuck in patterns of behavior that cause unease or suffering, meditation also helps us awaken to how we are living and see our patterns of thought, behavior, and reactivity more clearly. We notice where we are placing our attention, what our minds are busy with, and how our bodies are feeling. In this process of awakening to our experience, we begin to better understand what feels good and right and, in contrast, what feels wrong or causes us suffering. Then, we gain the incredible freedom to choose how we want to respond, react or ‘be” in our lives. In this way, we get “unstuck” from our deeply ingrained patterns. As we dive deeper into our meditation practice, we begin to experience more moments of clarity and a greater freedom to choose how we want to walk through our lives and respond to the world around us.

The Art of Non-Doing

In our culture, a great premium is placed on constantly thinking and doing. There is nothing wrong with either, but as we explore the art of being through meditation, we realize that we are often thinking out of pure mental habit and acting unconsciously or on auto-pilot. We may be stuck in the “shoulds” of doing or doing things because we simply don’t know any other way. As we become much more aware, we can choose instead to do things that feel right, that come from our hearts and that feel more authentic to who we are.

We are also conditioned to think things through, always searching for answers and for meaning, or for what’s next. As we become more and more aware through meditation practice of our very busy minds, we recognize that getting caught up in our thoughts can actually make things less clear and can cause us stress. From an early age, we are taught that thinking is the best route to finding answers. However, we get stuck in the habit of overthinking. Or, we simply get caught up in the stories we are telling ourselves about what is happening. The result of this constant rumination is the exertion of energy, the endless grasping for answers, loads of spent energy and a stirring up of our emotions.

Meditation teaches us that the truest answers can come from a state of non-doing and simply detaching from our thinking minds for a while or creating more space and awareness around our thoughts. Instead of thinking, we are simply learning to be aware of and available to what is, to see things more clearly and to connect to an inner knowing of what feels right for us. As we quiet our minds, we are learning to listen deeply to our inner longings, to our hearts and to our guts. We can see our thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves as just thoughts and stories. And, we learn to rest our attention in awareness itself. That’s what meditation is. In seeing things just as they are and shining the light of awareness on our experience, we often find answers, connect to what really matters, and choose a path that feels right. These answers are not from a cognitive analysis, but, instead, these answers lie closer to our hearts and our inner wisdom.

Through this art of non-doing, we also learn to let go of so much that is not serving us. Even letting go of the constant effort to get it right, to figure things out, to search for answers, or to improve ourselves can feel like a huge relief.

The Healing Power of Meditation

Meditation is a way of self-healing. We can step out of our own way, let go of our efforts to fix or change ourselves, and allow the natural healing of this practice to happen.

We must remember not to make this a goal-oriented practice. Ironically, when we let go of our striving and open to the  process of awakening to our true nature and to what is already there, that is when true transformation and healing takes place. So, don’t make enlightenment, “fixing” or improving yourself the goal. That’s a distraction or another act of striving. The goal is to come back to resting in a state of true presence and awareness. This is our true nature. We just need to recognize that this state of simply being is always available to us and learn how to make ourselves available to it.

Meditation is a way of becoming more and more conscious, more and more awake. Healing is a natural side effect of this process.

Continue to give yourself this beautiful gift of discovering your true nature. Then, you can go out into the world with this sense of fullness, aliveness, love, and peacefulness, and you can share your true nature with the world. In a much larger sense, that is how we heal the world, one breath at a time.

I'm Not Fine, Thanks for Asking.

How many times a day do we meet a friend or acquaintance, trade polite greetings and ask, “How are you?” The response is almost always, “I’m fine.”  No more is said, no more is asked.  We exchange pleasantries and go about our busy days.  I can’t help but ask, "Are we all really fine?"  If we are not, do we really want to lay out our laundry list of struggles when asked, and do we really want to take the time to listen to the honest response of others?

An important reality of life is that everyone is not fine. Everyone has problems, everyone is struggling with something in their life.  Yet, so often we are unable or unwilling to share our struggles with others.  We put up walls and keep a "safe" distance so as not to appear weak or vulnerable.  We use the excuse that we don't want to burden people with our troubles or waste their time.  Or, we hold back, fearing they will judge us.  Instead of sharing our real fears, worries, and challenges, we opt to put on a happy face, a strong front, and tell ourselves and those around us that everything is “fine.”   But living in a sea of “fine” can leave us feeling lonely and isolated.

I am not proposing that we disclose a litany of woes every time someone asks us how we are doing.  I am suggesting, however, that we chose wisely who we want to share with and share away.  Asking for help, leaning on friends in times of need, and sharing with others what is really going on takes great strength and courage.  It is only by opening ourselves up to those around us that we can truly know each other, and feel comforted by the fact that we are not alone.  Giving others that same gift of open-hearted, empathetic listening in return connects us in a very profound way.

I am grateful for the people in my life with whom I can share my joys and my struggles, and who trust me to listen to theirs.  Together, we have faced the death of loved ones, the rewards and challenges of parenting, the great joys of life, the heart-wrenching battles with disease and illness, and so much more.   We allow ourselves to be seen and known.  In doing so, we strengthen our connection built on respect, trust, kindness, and love, knowing there is no judgment, only open hearts and open minds, and a soft space to land when one is needed.  That is the true foundation of friendship.  So, thank you to those people in my life who let me know that everything is not always fine and thank you for listening.